Rivers
I've been thinking a lot about rivers lately, and not only because I'm now living in a city encircled by rivers (called "river junction" in Chinese). I've often believed that my life is often leading me along like a river; whenever I am most unhappy or dissatisfied with life, I need only to catch the right current again and then I feel content and fulfilled.
This last week has been a tumultuous week emotionally. My river was caught in some whirlpool or another as I tried to decide between following the current path of my life, or switching to starting some future plans about a year earlier. There were some internal battles, because even though this can bring some positive changes on many levels of my life, it will also mean some sacrificing and significant challenges. It also is the start of a job application process, which is full of me questioning my self-worth as I am cut up, analyzed, and put on a well-formated paper with clean little sentences and phrases.
Yesterday, however, I felt like a found the current again -- not the current I was contentedly traveling, but a new one entirely, one that took some soul-searching to find, and one that will involve a good deal of risk. (If I don't get a job, I'm going to be pretty stuck.)
Lately, I've been singing the following two songs to myself. I wrote them years ago in middle school and high school, and I don't think they've ever been more relevant in my life. It's like they were written precisely for my present self and situation. Unfortunately there's a missing stanza that I can't remember, and I don't know where a written version of it is.
---
River, river, guide me
River, river, take me home
There is someone waiting
For the moment I will come
River, river, guide me
Be my road and take me home
River, river, guide me
River, river, take me home
Obstacles before me
Break beneath the river's load
River, river, guide me
Break the stones upon my road
---
If in your youth you set off for
The things that you had never seen
Don't fear, my child, just go before
The river ever flowing
(missing stanza)
It's been so long since we have seen our home
We ache to be there evermore
And if we once again should travel far
The river would guide us as before
So home make ready for the grand return
Prepare the feast, the dance and song
Though once we cried that we had lost the way
The river was with us all along
